4131. JEFFERSON (Thomas), Weary of office.—
The motion of my blood no longer
keeps time with the tumult of the world.
It leads me to seek for happiness in the lap
and love of my family, in the society of my
neighbors and my books, in the wholesome
occupations of my farm and my affairs, in an
interest or affection in every bud that opens,
in every breath that blows around me, in an
entire freedom of rest, of motion, of thought,
owing account to myself alone of my hours
and actions. What must be the principle of
that calculation which should balance against
these the circumstances of my present existence [
Secretaryship of State], worn down
with labors from morning to night, and
day to day; knowing them as fruitless to
others as they are vexatious to myself; committed
singly in desperate and eternal contest
against a host who are systematically undermining
the public liberty and prosperity;
even the rare hours of relaxation sacrificed to
the society of persons in the same intentions,
of whose hatred I am conscious even in those
moments of conviviality when the heart
wishes most to open itself to the effusions of
friendship and confidence; cut off from my
family and friends, my affairs abandoned to
chaos and derangement; in short, giving
everything I love in exchange for everything
I hate, and all this without a single
gratification in possession or prospect, in
present enjoyment or future wish.—
To James Madison. Washington ed. iii, 578.
Ford ed., vi, 291.
(June. 1793)
